I'm cold....

I went home alone.Robin needed to return to Jack. I'm not sure how she felt about what happened last night. I was woken up by a knock at the door way too early. Leanne was there, the fairy girl who Chantelle had been banging. She said she wanted to walk me to school. I accepted, though I was way too tired for it. As we walked, we talked about things. I didn't know how much Chantelle had told her in their pillow talk, but she made it clear that we'd talk again. Then Israel showed up and accused me of making new friends, rather coldly in fact. I told him it was none of his business and I supposed it would be easier if I cut them in half or set them on fire. Israel looked guilty, but he gave me a look that made me think of his supposed "divine retribution"from the night in the club where he had turned all Sephiroth on me. Israel is dangerous.

In class, I wanted to know the truth behind the fairies, but my coin was snatched by Leanne, who I warned about the last person who'd taken it, whose face had been demolished by the park bench. Before she had grabbed it, I saw blood and flood, violence and danger. All coming to us soon.

I went to Robins event "Teens Need Truth". Robin spoke partway through of wanting to go to the city hall and deal with Natalie. I agreed, trying to think of a time when I could speak to her about Natalies run in with me. Not in school. I'm not stupid. 

At the city hall, I learned what Natalie meant to do. A law. A new law making supernaturals citizens. Natalie mentioned our little spat with the knife and Robin looked shocked. She went to make a call and soon returned, grabbing my hand and that of that girl Eve and dragging us to the fire escape. Natalie blocked our way, but Robin decked her. Robin seemed scared and we were halfway down the alley when Eve grabbed Robin and slammed her into the wall. 

I stood there, shocked, unable to comprehend. She hit Robin. She....hit....Robin. I felt the wolf in me stir as I made my own attack, punching out at Eve. Robin was on her feet in an instant and leapt into the way. I felt my heart shatter as I saw her take the hit and stand there, unyielding. Eve was attacking her and Robin was standing in my way like I was using my power to attack a helpless bunny. Eve gloatingly smiled at me behind Robins back and I begged Robin to step aside. Robin refused and I saw something I had never seen in her eyes before. Rage. Murderous unfeeling rage. And I knew I had to knock her out and get her out of there or she would not stop hunting me.

I tried, but I had taught her well. She knew how to dodge, how to duck, how to feint and attack. Soon enough, the wolves had surrounded us. But so had a gang of Natalies vampires. And Robin wouldn't back down. I was proud of her, but also hurt. We had been friends. We had laughed and talked, been there for each other and spent one night together. Now she thought I was trying to kill Eve because I was a wolf? Wrong. I wanted to kill Eve because of that smell. That empty, hollow smell, like the inside of a coffee can, bitter and cold. Then thunder struck. I realized why Robin had wanted to leave. That troll. That huge fucking troll was there and he slammed his hulk hands into me. I felt my body change, defending itself the only way it knew how. I had kept it in since the club and now, because of Robin and Eve and Bonesnapper, it was free. Robin was knocked flying, but I was past caring for anything but my own strength and power. My claws weren't nearly sharp enough to pierce his hide and my wolves were failing at beating Eve, (whose jokes were the same as always.WEAK!), so I showed my belly falsely, pretending to fall in line and I followed Bonesnapper, a scavenge for the moment. Waiting for another chance to deal with the beast....

In which a spirit connection is formed, or, In which the mortal goes wild.

I went to see Robin. It was the right thing to do, she probably had been worried about me after I left the burger joint. For some reason, I felt happy for that. Its nice knowing someone cared for you and was there if you needed them. I'd be there for her if she needed me and I didn't have to bother her for my dumb problems.

JJ and I said see you later and I walked out to where Robin sat next to a boy. The boy I recognized as Jack. Her ghost brother. No longer a ghost. I didn't understand it, but I saw something I hadn't seen since before the funeral, before the fairy world, before Robin and I had become friends or she had even known my name. Happiness. It was there on her face as she laughed and talked to her brother, as she held him close and stared at him unblinking, as if she was afraid that when she closed her eyes or turned away, he would be gone. I couldn't fault her for that. I wish I could say I just walked away, that I simply let her have her moment with Jack, that I was not selfish or needy, but I needed to see her. And I did, walking up to her on the stairs. She asked about the blood, but I insisted it was nothing she had to worry about yet. I reminded Jack who I was and where we had met, how he had been a ghost and Robin looked at me with a warmth in her eyes I had not seen but for Vincent. I told her how glad I was for her to see her happy and she did something that surprised me. She stood up, walked down her front steps and hugged me tight. I felt her press against me, warm and sweet and alive and her scent was intoxicating. I felt like I was going to kiss her then, hold her close and inhale her scent forever, but not with her brother watching. I told her how I had smelled the scents of fear, apprehension and guilt and they increased in an instant. I could hear her heart pounding and smell the sheen of sweat on her smooth skin and she said I was mistaken, a bit hurriedly, I noticed. I decided that I would leave it alone. Robin doesn't need any more worries on her plate. Knowing I can smell her must make her a bit nervous. Jack made a mention of leaving us alone and Robin pulled away. I let her only grudgingly. She was nervous as a Chihuahua as she talked to Jack, letting him know he wouldn't be leaving her sight again. She said she wanted to go on a walk with me, but she was of two minds. Half of her wanted to walk and talk with me, half of her wanted to stay with her brother and protect him from all harm. She told him to lock himself inside and only open up for her and then she took my hand and walked with me down the street.

We talked of different things, dumb things, things that weren't important and we were enjoying it. We avoided Vincent, Natalie and even Chantelle and the new girl, which I was grateful for and talked music, new movies and shows each of us had to watch. The time came that we walked through the woods and I was talking about something. For the life of me, I can't remember what it was. Then Robin pushed me up against a tree and kissed me deeply and passionately. I felt her lips on mine, and then we were on the forest floor, undressing, kissing, nipping, touching, giving each other our all. Robin...everywhere was Robin. Her scent, her taste, her love. Her love most of all was there.

Under the trees, I felt the bond form, a spiritual connection, more powerful than anything Vincent could ever have had with her, as strong as the brand of links of the chain burned into my skin, which Robin kisses at as she lies against me, her smells too strong to tell apart. I was the worthy one, the loved one. They all called me puppy, doggie, wolfboy. I'd be her dog if she let me. I'd be whatever she wanted me to be. I'll be a wolf, a dog or even a human.

I'm in love with her. I know I am.

In which the decision is made(for better or worse).

Caleb. Wolfboy. Dog. Puppy. These are the names that the group(apart from Robin, bless her heart)call me. Trying to insult me. To be cruel. To get me angry and laugh as I suppress the beast within. Even Eve, whoever the hell she is. What business is it of hers what I am? And how does she know?

 I didn't feel the cold air as JJ drove fast and far, following my directions to the house, with the other werewolves behind me. This is my pack. Not Eve. Not Chantelle. Not Israel. And not Vincent. NEVER Vincent. The Pack is family. And the only person who has shown themselves to be my family are JJ and Robin. They care about me. I hope they do.

I sent the werewolves to surround the place. It was almost dark, when vampires were strongest. I needed to be quick and finish this. As I cradled the handle of the knife, I remembered how Robins mother had looked as her lifes blood dripped through her fingers. I only wish Vincent was here to see what I did to his mother.

I put my foot through the door and entered. Natalie was there, along with some guy. I made some excuse about official business and told him not to get in the way. Natalie made some small talk and tried to look into my eyes. I felt my mind burn and my fingers twitch and I struggled to keep in control. I struck then, my pack with me. Once, twice, three times the blade flew. Natalie fought back, but I was in a rage. I stabbed into her chest, the blade lodged there. I could feel it slide between her rib cage. A simple twist sideways and up and she'd be dead. The knife was there. My hand was there. I was so strong. I was stronger than Vincent, Natalie, *I*was the hero! Not that sword wielding shit Israel, not Vincent with his mind games, me! And then I felt the past stir.

I was younger. A moon hung in the sky as I transform for the first time, my eyes glowing scarlet in the darkness of my bedroom mirror. Later, a golden chain burns my hands permanently with the pattern of the links as I kill the first girl I ever loved, strangling her to protect others from her. I know the feeling of wanting freedom to do what you wish, the same that Vincent got when he merged with the demon. It happens every time I transform, the freedom to fight, hunt, kill, take what you want and give nothing back.

I thought of Robin, beautiful, full of love that was now hidden behind a miasma of pain and protectiveness. I thought of vengeance, trying to justify my actions, but I knew that if Robin saw me now, she would hate me, as I would be no different than Vincent, the one she loved and hated. And what happened after Natalie died? Would the vampires be free to roam and feed? Would the werewolves be the same or worse? And who would be the ones to deal with them if not us? The vampires were a danger, yes, but they also kept the balance. I gave my threat "You owe me"and was gone into the night. JJ seemed to understand, but the others...they're not my pack, so I don't know what they feel. Not yet.

In which the dog bites back.

As I sat in the car next to Robin in silence, the smells begin to reach me. Fear. Apprehension. Anger. Hatred. Guilt...that same smell, more overpowering than all the others. Is it ever going to leave her? Robin feels guilty for her removal of Vincents' past, her inability to save her mother and about her friendship with us, the monsters. I wondered why we were going to save Vincent if she didn't care...or does she NOT care? I want more than anything for Robin to be able to move on with her life, to be happy and free of all the terrible things that have happened to her. Vincent, her mother, Jack, the fairies...I would even remove myself if I had to. Yet sitting in the car with her was the most painful thing I've done yet. Once in a while, she'd glance over at me and meet my eyes and there'd be something there. A spark of warmth, a bit of kindness and, despite myself, I thought i saw care. Care and love.

Soon enough the ride was over and we were out in the boonies at some fancy summer home of Vincents mother, I guess. He came running out the door, followed by some weird girl and as quick as that, we had got the two of them away. Still in silence, we drove and I smelled the new scents. Vincent doesn't have the same wrong smell he had when he had the demon in him. Now he has something new. Another dark power? No, its something new, not corruption, but its nothing good if it can throw me through a car. As for the new girl, Eve, I think it was....she smells empty. I don't understand how that can be, but its almost like she's not there.

At a burger joint down the road, me and Vincent got into it, arguing away. Eve called me a puppy(really, everyone is a comedian, that joke is so old that I'm surprised it hasn't disappeared).Vincent called me a kidnapper while I called him a monster. I'm keeping the truth from him as long as I can, but eventually it will be there. I threw a punch at Vincent, but ended up hitting a police car instead. The cop gave us a stern warning and left. Just another time that Vincent gets me into trouble. He makes me sick to my stomach. Or maybe its the headache that seems to come as he gets close. He looked at Robin and I saw her eyes go unfocused before she gave him a massive punch. He tried to put the mind trick on her too! All around me, stuff begins to shake and streetlights flicker as Vincent goes all Dark Phoenix....then he's gone, blown through the air by his own power. Weird, but kinda funny at the same time. Soon enough, I realized I wasn't alone. JJ had arrived and I told him where Vinces mom was. The vampire boss, right there for the taking. And Jack said it was time for us to take her down. I realized that to do this, I'd have to go with them and leave Robin behind, but she was with that nasty alien goddess and the new girl, so she would be fine. I gazed longingly after her before I climbed onto the back of JJ's bike and we rode off.

Vincent had killed Robins mom, all for love of some demon creature inside him. He had become addicted to the power, he had come to love it and he let it overtake him. I had failed Robin that day. I wasn't quick enough to save her mother. Jack got in the way before I could stop Vincent from doing any worse damage and she got survivors guilt when it was me who was at fault. I had grabbed a butcher knife from cooking class before we left the school(they're making pad thai, they won't miss one knife). Its sharp. I'm sure Natalie will appreciate it.

Mad Caleb or "Vincie"

I made a new friend. Werewolf guy, John Junior. I decided to leave Robin alone now. Better that I branch out before she gets hurt. We decided to hang out after school. The werewolf attack had failed and Vincents mom was fine. I told him to keep me out of their war and he agreed. During class, I was sitting talking to John when Vincent heard about Deans friend getting set on fire. From Dean. Who reminded him of it. Now, Vincent had forgotten everything to do with those events, so he began getting a bit weird. I stepped in, trying to cut off Dean, telling Vincent he was a compulsive liar and he was better off ignoring him. When Vincent made eye contact with me....well, it was weird. Like a hand inside my brain, squeezing and tugging at it. He called me a liar and ran off with a nosebleed(which I didn't give him). I shivered and ran to find Chantelle.

Tobias found me first and gave me a big old silver coin. He said it was to replace the one that I had given up. It was very similar and so I thanked him for the gesture. I began telling Chantelle about it and she pulled me and Tobias into a closet. I explained what was happening with Vincent and she began blathering about me stealing something from from him. I was about to do as she said when Israel showed up with it. She began making a weird circle and I decided to remove myself. I thought she was a god or alien, not some wiccan.

Me and John Junior went to hang out and he told me about Boris, a mobster, and his daughter Sasha. Apparently she was drug dealing some dangerous stuff around the school. We began plotting a little warning(non violent, I've been trying to cut back on that) and planned to meet her before school.

I met her in the hallways early the next day. Sasha is very pretty, but she was also poisoning kids, so I tried to use the carrot instead of the ten inch wolf claw. I did my best James Dean pose and she was all over me. I lead her to the car and John sat up from the back seat, starting to tie her up. I heard "HEY!" and felt my blood chill. Maybe broad daylight wasn't the best idea, but I wanted this done fast.

Vincent was running towards us and I exited the car while John held Sasha there. He demanded to know what I was doing and I told him I wanted to explain, and, when he became belligerant, I gave him to the count of three(see? I am becoming more tame). I got as far as 1 before Vince sent me flying through the car doors. Both of them. With his mind. I sat up bleeding and wiped at my nose as Vincent told JJ to let Sasha go and he obliged. Sasha thanked him and he told her to run to the principal. I snarled to my feet and asked what the hell he had done and he called me a kidnapper, a freak and all sorts of cruel words. The rest of the group was around us and I felt my cheeks burn as he called me all these things while the others took his side. I couldn't even look at Robin, afraid of seeing disappointment in her eyes or hate or fear and pain. What I didn't expect was, as Vincents eyes began to get that "Carrie" look again, was her moving in between us, cocking back her fist and slamming it into Vincents face.Vincent reeled and called me a kidnapper and Israel led him away, speaking quietly to him. It was clear whose side he had chosen. Robin, meanwhile, turned to me and dabbed at my lip with a tissue, asking if I was hurt. I felt my heart pounding fast again.

Inside, the group(except Robin, who listened to me rather than judge first)demanded my explanation. I told them of Sasha working with Boris(who Robin had heard of), of possible sources helping me(I kept JJ's involvement a secret, at least for now. I'll tell Robin, but the others need to get the sticks out of their asses first). Chantelle made some dog insults(very clever, I see why you read the announcements honey)to me and Robin told Vincent off for attacking me(she hadn't let go of my hand yet). I told her about his psychic power and that he was dangerous again. Chantelle stated that she had it under control, which made me wonder about that magic she has. Is she able to control everyone? Even me? Whats to stop her from taking over that way?


Vincent stormed off and we went to class. Ardath was missing, but that was no loss. I wondered if Robin was starting to feel better. That she needed more than a friend. Then I told myself to shut the hell up and think. A text rang out. For all of us. "Guys. Help me." Vincent was in trouble. Robin rose. Chantelle rose. Israel rose. And, like it or not, I rose. And I began dialling the gang. If he was on the road, he'd need some bikers. Like me.

Secrets.

Chantelle gave Robin a gift and a curse. Vincents demon was removed and trapped in a cylinder, a genie in the bottle. Vincent wanted to forget and Chantelle did it. He didn't remember Robin, me, Chantelle, Israel, Robins mom. I wonder who it was crueler to. I think I know the answer.

Robins mom died last week. Robin stayed with me a few days. Its okay, I had the room and she needed someone around, but her empty stares sometimes made me unnerved. Robin went to the funeral without me. She needed the friends she had before I came in and made her life more complicated. In the school, she has been cool towards everyone. I avoided touching her, even to get her attention. Puppy love isn't something she needs, I can tell by her demeanour. Before the incidents with Vincent, I had begun to feel something with her. I'm a selfish piece of shit for wanting her now. When she asked me to help her, to train her to fight against something...like me, I did it. She's stronger than she looks. She's braver than she seems. And she's more loving than she acts. She told me not to hold back and I didn't.I bruised ribs, stung her arms and at least once cracked a bone, but she didn't call halt then. She didn't tell me stop or glare at me with hate. She only had determination in her eyes. Determination and something else. We talk about Jack, her brother, the ghost. She smiles at times when I talk about him, but its a sad smile. I listen to her story(what she chooses to tell)and give my support. I feel like she gives me little gestures that mean something special, like a touch to the arm or a little cock of the head. Once she touched my hair. Am I deluding myself? Probably. Everyone deludes themselves. Vincent deluded himself believing he will forget everything forever. Ardath deluded himself of his supposed greatness. Chantelle deludes herself thinking she can keep control of a school as fucked up as this. Israel deludes himself thinking he will be human. Robin deludes herself thinking that being alone will make her stronger. And I delude myself thinking Robin will ever care about me. But there is something else happening. Its been bothering me, like a mosquito around my ear.

Robins mother was stable. Comatose, but stable. She died with Robin in the room. Robin said she went to the bathroom and came back and the nurses were trying to stabilize her again. But the nurses told me that she rang the bell to call them in. And no matter what, I can smell something on Robin. Apprehension. Fear. Guilt. If I'm right, then she has secrets. But everyone does. I'll die a million times over before I reveal hers.

He didn't even buy me dinner or "Eye for an eye".

One of the worst things in the world is group assignments. You know that? We are saddled with a bunch of robotic babies to take care of, look after and act like parents. I'm not sure I'm ready to be a parent(though I'd probably be a poppa wolf if I was). I'm looking for Robin(who chooses pretty boy Ardath)when the teacher puts me together with Vincent. Vincent, who I hate. Vincent, who emotionally brutalized Robin. Vincent, who stabbed Robins mother half to death and she is still in critical condition. So I sit there, holding the baby and trying to keep the wolf at bay. Vincent doesn't say anything and I don't say anything as well. I think we came to an understanding of how things had to be.

At lunch, I met a guy. Big biker who said he was the one behind my enrolment here, who paid my bills so I could live in my fancy house. He said that it was about time I began paying him back. I asked how and he said that the werewolves(he's a werewolf, fyi) wanted to get rid of a dangerous vampire who just happens to be Vincents mom. I remembered Vincent, his eyes inhuman, standing over Robins mother with the knife, laughing away. She needs to die. He needed to suffer for it. Eye for an eye.

Later, I got guided to the church by the group. They were preparing for a ritual, something to rid Vincent of his demon forever. When I heard this, my heart stopped. A wonderful happily ever after, wouldn't it be? Robin and Vincent, the princess and prince of the story, happy and content, human. Meanwhile the wolf is chased away to live in the foothills, no longer part of the princesses life. No longer needed. No longer cared for. I've kept my feelings to myself. I was stupid to think she'd ever choose someone like me.

Halfway through the ritual, imps appear. Attacking and burning things, trying to disrupt it. Probably sent by Samael. I answer their attack with my boots, keeping the baby safe. Vincent was selfishly sitting in his magic circle, so he didn't give a shit.

During the ritual, Vincent begins contorting and twisting. Everyone gives a token to rid him of the demon. I saw Robin, tearful, terrified and her eyes full of care. Thats when I realized.

Robin doesn't want me and she doesn't need me. She loved Vincent and she deserves to be happy.

I pulled the silver coin from my pocket. It was heavy, as big as my palm and had a silver moon engraved on the side. I smiled softly. Silver and werewolves. They had it all wrong. I tossed it into the fire, my offering to whatever powers there were at work, praying for the first time ever, to give Robin peace, give her happiness, give her love that she deserved and free the boy she loved.

Goodbye dad.